I always think of myself as other.
By that I mean that things affect me differently than they do most, and that I express myself in ways different from the majority. For the most part, this is not something that I consider to be a bad thing. It is, rather, just the way I am, the way I am meant to be. I have made peace with the fact that I do tend to march to the beat of my drum.
It was likely one of the singular most incredible things to emerge online and find so many like myself, or at least sort of like myself. As much as I am generally quite loathe to admit, I do enjoy being part of a group. No man is an island, indeed. I have found that over time I have come to think of myself as less of an island and more of a penninsula.
One of the things that used to set me so apart from most of the people I knew was the choice of music. I have also found as I have grown older (hopefully wiser) is that as we (collectively) tend to accept more of others’ experience. Perhaps we learn through our own experience that others’ experiences might have taken them to different conclusions and that there are incredibly few completely wrong answers.
I haven’t ever made a secret of the fact that music has shaped my life in a myriad of ways. There are songs that are my go-to when I feel introspective, different songs that embody the depths of my despairing when my soul is broken. There are even more, still, that I turn to when I just feel like thinking for a while. I am not alone in this. I think we all have music that we turn to in specific times of need.
I have spent a lot of time resting in the last week or so, almost as much time as I have spent working, and if you know me, that is a lot of resting. I had arrived at a place where my body simply could not keep up with my mind any longer. Instead of helping me to accomplish the things that desperately needed my attention, my body rebelled and fought against itself. Not so hard to believe, especially if you know me.😉
I went back to work determined to find balance. Mayhap a bit late, but I am setting my new years’ resolution to finding the balance. So many times balance is an idea that eludes me. I am one of those “all in” types. If I am in, I am “all in”. Win big, lose big, but all in.
When I was young, that was ok. It was acceptable to my body to work early and late simontaneously. Now, not so much . I have to achieve balance, not only at work, but also in pretty much every single facet of my life.
I have returned to my roots. Music is the root of me and always has been. It speaks to me on a different level. I turned back to some of the most soothing music I could find while I was working. I found myself being able to step back from an immediate situation, regroup, and I found that I was much more productive. So, yes, it is something that I might have been able to guess on my own anyway, but at least I am arriving. I have found that life is good, for the most part, and that is something worth remembering.