So here I sit at the computer again today. I really should be working, you know. I suppose that makes me feel a little bit naughty, but I know I am not really hurting anything since I have already finished much of what I have to get done today and it is not yet noon. Besides, I do get break time! So. I have a problem lately, and not sure what to do about it.
Basically, since my first experience with Her about a week ago, my small thumb-shaped reminder is almost completely gone. Boo. That somehow makes the whole experience feel less than real suddenly. It is almost resigned to that same hazy category as my half-baked fantasies. So I am trying to figure out how and when and why. It seems to take up much more of my time than it should but it is just so exciting. It is a little akin to the way we all felt as children when we first got that new toy. You know the one I am talking about…the one you wanted for EVER before somehow or other you manage to get it? The only thing is, this is as good as I ever dreamed and more, unlike those little toys of yesteryear when you held your breath until it was in your hands only to discover that it was nowhere near what you had expected it to be.
Back to the subject at hand. I need to figure out how to get myself back to the place where I truly feel at home and at peace. I need to figure out how to travel the road back to Her lap where she can administer the thing that makes me feel alive and makes the whole world seem right. I am hoping that She will not hold back and that she will not freak out about a very small (very very small) bruise or two. I still maintain that I really like to have at least one or two marks to remind me that yes, it did happen and that yes, it will happen again.
Until I can figure out the plan, I will have to content myself with dreaming about Her calling me over and telling me what is going to happen. I will just have to fantasize about Her putting me over the knee and baring my bottom. I will remember just how excited, thrilled, and (a little) nervous I felt. Then the rubbing of Her hand on the cool cheeks that She will soon be heating to boiling. The slow, steady smacks that She starts with that crescendo to the hard, stinging blows that will follow. I can imagine me wriggling around to try to somehow soothe the sting a little, even then knowing that it won’t work. Then Her putting her arms around me and holding me to Her chest, smoothing my hair, wiping my tears and whispering that it is all over now and how much She loves me and hates to have to correct me. Then Her promise that it will happen again when I need it to.
Yes. It is going to be a long long day at work.